THIS ISN’T ME

I’m sitting here in this Bar

waiting for a Drink.

The waitress is Ignoring me,

what am I supposed to Think?

To get me through the Day,

all I wanted was another Rum and Coke.

I know, it’s only 10 A.M,

Yeah, what a Joke.

What can I Say?

Don’t Judge me or Criticize me,

until you walk a mile in My shoes.

If it Were up to me,

I would not be A.M drinking.

It’s not what I would Choose.

It helps to Quiet the voices

from some of my Bad choices.

It’s the beginning of some of my Lies.

In them, someone Always Dies.

I tell Myself

that I don’t Need anyone’s help,

that I am… Just fine.

But the Truth is,

the Fact is

I feel I am losing my Mind.

No one can Truly understand.

I was given a Command.

To use this Gun,

to Kill someone’s Son.

I can’t say No.

I cannot run Away.

I was a Weapon in someone’s Army.

What more can I Say?

I Joined to Serve my country,

what I Thought was the Right thing to do.

But the Sad thing is,

every single Night,

these Memories come flooding Through.

Can someone Help me?

Can someone Show me?

The best way to be Free.

I’m not even Sure.

I don’t even know How.

What it is to Simply be Me.

I Use to have a Purpose.

I Use to have a Goal.

But Somewhere along the way,

Somehow, I sold my Soul.

Not to the Devil,

because That would be too Easy.

It was something Far less Honorable,

something a bit more Sleazy.

I’m Sitting here in this Bar,

waiting for a Drink.

I don’t even Want another one,

but it silences the Voices,

so a Single thought I can Think.

Please… don’t Judge me.